Expressions of Love - You Love, or You Don't by Shanna Gregor

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Expressions of Love—You Love, or You Don’t
Series: What Can Love Do for You?
(Adapted from the book, Love is Not an Emotion—Learning to Love No Matter What)
Shanna D. Gregor

Most likely you didn’t start your day with a list of mistakes you wanted to make today. No. Failure to choose love often comes under the disguise of assisting someone. For example, trying to convince someone that your opinion is the opinion that is correct, or your way is the right way—the best way.

Have you ever corrected someone’s English in public? I have, and I had to ask for forgiveness—I embarrassed them, but not as much as I embarrassed myself. It didn’t matter that my “help” was correct according to Webster’s Dictionary. I could have severely damaged my relationship with them. Thankfully, they forgave me.

Early in our marriage my husband, Blaine would correct me in front of people—usually when I was telling a story. His personality wants you to be exact and not prolific in details of a story. I had a problem with exaggerating the details to make the story a little more creative and fun, but more often it was about a different perception—the way I saw it wasn’t exactly the way he thought it happened.

It’s very important to Blaine to get all the details right. If I left something out, he added it; if I misspoke—he redirected me. People lost interest in my story because his “interruption” (that I viewed as rude) became a major point of contention between us—often in front of the very people to whom we were talking. At times, it made things difficult in our marriage and our relationship with others. At first I wanted to pay him back, and I looked for an opportunity to fix his stories. When that didn’t work, I would just excuse myself from the entire conversation to sulk and let him finish the story.

We had to move backwards, repair the damage to our relationship and then move forward with a decision to love by faith. I had to recognize why he did this, and understand where he was coming from. The truth and accuracy of something is very important to him, and he became more aware of the impact it had on me. Through love, I was able to see that my exaggeration was lying. It helped me grow in love for my husband and God. He began to see that sometimes we just had different perspectives in what was important to us in a story—the areas we chose to highlight.

Have you ever felt like you really hated someone? Like love—hate is also a decision—not an emotion. Although we may feel that we love someone more than another, it is really black and white. There is no gray—no in between. You choose love, or you don’t. You can’t be kind of pregnant, or kind of married—you are, or you aren’t. In the same respect you choose to live a lifestyle of l ...

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